In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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