last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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