Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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