just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
