oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
