My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
