omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
