Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
