On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
