god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
