i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
