I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
