I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
