now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
