two words: eviction party
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
