just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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