Is it because I queefed?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
