Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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