What a fucking waste of an outfit
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
