Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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