Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
this beer tastes like vomit already
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
