i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
