i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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