do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
