Apparently you make a good broom.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
