Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
