Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
