I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
God, you're like boner-b-gone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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