Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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