Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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