the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
