You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
