my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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