don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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