Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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