we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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