I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
