God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
