he was CRYING into my vagina
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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