im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
