even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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