Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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