hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
