Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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