I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
