I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
