also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
