I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
50% drunk capacity currently
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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