I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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