I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
