ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
