doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
