Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
