Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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